raging thoughts on the tetsuo tiff

YeA! This is R2's blog. Post spot for me. Not for you. Massive exchange is for you, and me, and us.
But here... this is my new RPG character to level up. No group effort, person effort.
But yes, it is here and public and is my cocktail napkin.

So right now is the most reclusive I've ever been in life. I kind of feel like emily. I'm a lot more interested in kind of working things out in my head and on paper than with other people. Problem is, I've had trouble focusing on things my whole life, so when I'm so quiet about my passions these days people have no way to help me out and give me advice and encouragement. So fuck it... it's not working, The people who I know are reading this (initially) are people i know care enough about seeing the things inside me blossom into things we all can revel in and enjoy.

That being said:
Lets go way back.. R2 is hanging out with his sister, Ahmy, and her boyfriend, Ian. Ian is a super cool dude, very into collecting and enjoying mass amounts of media.
-Video games, great movies, records, DVDS VHSs Laser Disc. he has good taste and lots of it. It's always a treat to go over to his house and have him show you some shit you've never seen before.
This particular night we were hanging out and smoking bong loads and he's like. "Oh fuck! Ryan, your gonna love this one" And he busts out Tetsuo: The Ironman on laser disc. Its a 60 minute long, grimey black and white japanese horror film. SO incredibly and sincerely low-budget, filmed in this ghetto-ass shack town. All the props and sets are built with junk. Just pure tentnusy rusty ass broken pipes and wierd garbage drips. The music was just as industrial and low budget.
Oh man, the stop motion animation in this movie is fucking priceless! People getting swallowed by stop motion junk and garbage and then morphing into other people and asjkldLADS((AS fuck! you just gotta watch this movie with me sometime.
Very firey and inspired at the time of watching this, I concieved of the notion that this movie is so visually 'Grindcore' that a perfectly sync'd and grimey'd soundtrack could be the gnarliest excuse to write an album ever.
I told myself .. man, R2, don't give up on this idea. It's awesome, it could be heavy, and super physical and fucked up and new and old and encompassing much media.

so... what happened? well. Number 1, I'm not as musically talented as prince or trent reznor, or prince reznor. I've never written a song and I don't very well grasp any melodic instrument yet. Just beats and noises, preferably electronic noises. Oh and Ideas ... man, do I have big stoney ideas!
So I'm thinking that I'll serve as maybe a creative director for this project, cuz I'm so brilliant and perfect and I know what the fuck i'm doing.
So I moved to portland without drums, without any real plan other than to go to school and grow as a visual artist. I did what I could given the circumstances..
I rented the movie at Movie Madness and ripped it onto the computer. I watched it over and over and over and played other bands' songs with it to envision the kind of vibe I would want to create for each scene.
As this project progresses on down the timeline alot starts to change for me and I'm frantically grasping to keep this dream of Grimey and gore alive. I for one start going to a school that from day 1 I am very skeptical about. They have G5s and Wacoms and scanners and cute little ID badges that you scan to get into the design labs.
What I was discovering was that the students we're all very new to graphic arts and had no real burning passion to push things forward. Holy shit, this was seriously like the most crippling thing for me.. I was ready to swallow portland whole and I got let down really quick.
Where was the band rehersal room? Where am I gonna shred drums and make noise collages with field samples and distortion pedals?
I had spent SOME time fiddling around in my friend Sean's home studio, but at this point in my life I was still very amateur in my skills but VERY boundless in my ambitions.
I had the dean put me in Senior recording arts classes. I still wasn't very impressed on what was happening within the walls of the school. All that was new and exciting for me was the drugs. I really liked mescaline.
This was getting me really depressed fast. I aproached a band from Seatle called Blowupnihilist about this project, they were a digital grindcore band. Guitar, bass, and an MPC sampler playing jack-hammer machine gun blasts and dark brooding synth scapes. Totally dope, I frequently wonder what it would be like to be a drummer in a band like that. Not much money or fans in that kind of music but it is just PURE TIDAL WAVES OF PHYSICAL ENERGY. Like 52x concenrated free-base heavy metal crack that just slays you from the get go. UH!
Anyways ...what did we do ... Well fuck .. we were all HANGIN OUT, and SMOKIN WEED, and ENJOYING THE FUCK OUT OF OURSELVES the whole time up in Portland. And I needed out, maybe this is the vibe I bring sometimes cuz I find myself currently caught up in it RIGHT NOW but if thats the case and I'm a creative succubus and disempower those around me then I AM SORRY and goddamnit I'm ready to move on.
So.... I moved on, I came back down to Santa Cruz and stayed with Evan in his dorm room at Porter for a couple quarters. I was working at the Good Times pushing page layout programs around and making pretty mediocore ads. It was novel, but I was making a living off of a skill that is dear to my heart.
The point i'm trying to make here is that its taken me years to get things lined up with this fucking Tetsuo Project, because I care about it and I want to make sure that I do things right. HOWEVER! This doesn't change the fact that I'm an A.D.D. stoner whose scatterbrained-organization and grandiose ideas could much better be accomplished in the span of a month rather than shittily rushed together after years of procrastination if indeed I could set my bodily desires aside long enough to put my mind to the metal and GET THE SHIT DONE.

So where am I at now with this?

Well ... For one I've got a notebook filled with pages of where to track trashy drums and where to make glitches and strings and wierd bass samples to be in sync with Tetsuo the ironman. An outline.

Another thing I've been considering as of late is .... THROW IT ALL OUT THE WINDOW ... why not just instead write music INSPIRED by these images. You could do mash-up projections of metal and grime and japan and people screaming and shit getting murdered and bulls and muscles and scarey eyes. Images of pure rust-core.
Then you record and perform with the right individuals.
Guitars, synths, electronics, modified cellos, effects on everything.

When I get stoned I just have ideas about how we can stretch the boundaries and make this shit just take us to new heights. I believe that we can design sensations that NO BODY HAS EVER EXPERIENCED, far beyond concerts, far beyond movies, far beyond video games. It's spiritually interactive!